Journey Towards Healing
We offer trust and experience as Professional Coaches that specialize on working with people that are suffering from grief. We empower them to overcome the death of their loved ones by generating positive changes in their life and giving them the tools to be able to heal. Aiming to accompany them & help them overcome the obstacles that they may face in mourning.
My aim is to share my life experience to encourage others to find strength within themselves to overcome whatever life throws their way.
Hello and Welcome to Koi Coaching. My name is Alexandra Viladomiu, but before I go into explaining my journey with family constellations and grief coaching, let me start by thanking you and praising you in taking the first step towards recovery. Asking for help is never easy, and you being here is indeed the first step.
Grief comes in all forms and for each of us at different times of our lives, however as humans we are bound to experience it sooner or later, and this is never easy. It is also very different for each person - but we all need tools and a good support system in order to over-come it.
I first experienced Grief at the age of 16, loosing my father after a long fight with alcohol. Mental health had been an ongoing topic in my family, but coming from a very traditional family, seeking for help was not the answer or even an option. I was meant to carry on with my life and pretend everything was fine. My then therapists decided not to dwell on my past, and gave me a solid time frame to be better - not allowing any room or outside support. I felt like I was in the wrong and that no one understood me. Blaming these emotions on not being good enough to overcome the pain.
I understood that my support system and it's closed mentality was not a place where I could grieve - so as soon as I got my school diploma I moved to London, in a way I was running away from my past and very excited about starting a new life - one that in my opinion was not stained by death or trauma.
By 2016 I had founded a successful content creation business and had everything a person could wish for in order to be happy, however that was not the case. I came to the realization that not dealing with Grief doesn't make it go away - that instead it starts showing in the forms of triggers - I saw how not dealing with the death of my dad was affecting my day to day relationships and was pushing me further and further away from my family. That's when I decided to seek out help and I found what would later on become the biggest support group - a weekly Grief group in the heart of London with attendants from all ages and walks of life. I felt more connected than ever - and one could say that was my first step towards recovery. My life became more manageable and I felt like life had meaning again. I understood that despite being very different to everyone in that room, we had a common pain, loosing someone and that for the first time someone understood my pain.
It was this recovery that helped me the day that I got the call to inform me that my mother had passed away in 2019. My life changed in 24 hours. In that short period of time I was waving goodbye to the city that had been my home for 7 years. Waving goodbye to my support system, and heading towards the most painful experience I had ever had to face.
Loosing my mum meant being truly alone.
The moment I arrived to my hometown I realized that I had changed but the grief support system of the country hadn't. I decided someone had to do something about it and started reaching out to different hospitals and coaching/psychology organizations to arrive to the conclusion that Grief groups were simply not common unless in private clinics or for parents who had lost their children. I decided that instead of complaining about it someone should turn this around - My first step was to get my coaching diploma. Meanwhile, I decided to get in touch with therapists so they could oversee and open grief groups within their organizations - so far we have two ongoing groups of 15 people each that take place every two weeks. I am now an official Grief coach Licensed by the ICF (Spanish Coaching Federation) and I am part of the group of Spanish Coaches specialized in Grief.
As I was getting my diploma, I crossed paths with family constellations. Grief is hard to understand, specially at such a young age and in such a sudden manner. Family constellations really opened up a spiritual path in which I understood that everything that happens to us in life, not only is there to teach us something but is incrusted in our DNA. We are who we are not just by the experiences that we live and how we face them, but by how our family lives their lives, generation after generation. This didn't only help me deal with my grief but it opened doors to heal family trauma I didn't even know existed. It was experiencing that healing that made me also get a certificate by Gestalt Institute to become a Family constellator - I offer this service in groups and one to one. Looking at the systemic side of families and unhealed wounds that have been passed from prior generations.
Since 2020, I’ve been working as a certified Coach profesional who specializes in helping people cope with their issues. I coach my clients in a way that utilizes both their heads and their hearts. I first learned about coaching when I hit a roadblock in my own life and was struggling to move past it. The techniques I developed were so successful that friends and family began asking me for help with their own challenges. This motivated me to turn my newfound passion into a full-time career.
My main aim as a grief coach is to accompany you in their journey and for them to feel supported at all times. The tools might vary from person to person but I think that we all have those tools within us.
I want you to feel safe and to be able to connect with other people - I'm going to offer weekly group meetings online where people can share their stories and feel supported.
Th site will also contain weekly Blog posts where I, and other coaches explain different grief stages or problems that might arise when you are grieving proving you with tools.
Within our socials you will also be provided with daily tips and podcasts that can accompany you in your journey.
If you have any questions about my methods, or would like to schedule a consultation, please get in touch today.
Family Constellation is a method of family therapy or systemic therapy, in which individual persons are positioned (set up) in the room as stand-ins for family members and relationships are drawn to one another. In this way, the network of relationships within a family can be visualized. Family Constellations can be also set up on a Family Board, except when for a group, with the help of figures and symbols.
In a constellation, the members are first arranged according to the client’s internal representation. In other words, a client positions the individual members of his family as he is currently experiencing the relationships between the individual members and his own person. He also names a stand-in for himself and positions it. His inner, perceived reality is thus made visible externally. The persons who represent the positions of individual family members do not receive detailed information about whom they represent. They empathize with their position and, from this perspective, describe what they momentarily perceive. This can already lead to astonishing situations when, for example, the "aunt" makes statements that really correspond to the real aunt. The client initially observes the events from the outside. Later, towards the end of the constellation, he can take up his own role in the family system.
Our attitude towards life and our view of the world is to a large extent shaped by our family. Here we learn the first rules and norms. Some of these rules and beliefs have been in effect for generations and can influence our feelings and actions. We are not aware of much of this. A Family Constellation provides a new image of one's own family and of our feelings towards the other members.
Those representing each family members slip into the position of another person, but do not engage in role play. In the perspective assigned to them, they can freely perceive what is actually going on inside themselves and express this. This can be e.g., statements about who is standing in the way of other people, being perceived as too close or as not belonging. Frequently, participants in the position assigned to them perceive things they cannot know in reality, e.g., that someone is missing or that the relationship between father and daughter is disturbed in some way. The constellation can thus help to clarify patterns within the family, and the implications these patterns have on their own lives or the lives of their children. The view from the outside on painful experiences, taboo topics or beliefs within the family can help to regain balance or take new developmental steps.
A constellation usually lasts 1 - 2 hours, sometimes a little longer. Preliminary talks and possibly the creation of a genogram are added. Debriefing also requires time. Constellations are often performed in the context of constellation evenings or whole constellation weekends. This is so that enough people can be present who are available as stand-ins. The time should then also be scheduled, although setting up the constellation itself takes only a fraction of the time. For some profound topics, however, a single constellation is sometimes not enough, and additional constellations may be required.